Wanna know something? Ahh I'm such an idiot. *surprise*
Isn't it weird that you could fool yourself. It's one thing to think lies to yourself, but you can never really believe them since you will always know the truth. I guess it's possible to think it through so much to the point where you've just ended up believing it. I'm just gonna shrug that off.
F you life. Why you gotta be so misleading? Eh I blame myself. Had I been a little more stronger then it wouldn't be this way. By the way, I hate this whole backwards and forwards thing in my head where I have a full-blown argument with just myself. And now I'm typing it on here for the world to witness my insanity.
Does anyone even care at all anymore? I mean for peoples' feelings apart from their own. Or have we all just stopped giving a fuck about each other? I notice that the only reason people would care to involve themselves is if they benefit something from it. Whether it be a striking topic for the next gossip girl, or just for entertainment. I find that there are none, if not close to none, that would really care to help or just lend an ear. That makes my heart sad.
I'm just on my bed. My bed that's full of stuff from yesterday. Clothes, laptop case, notebook, purse, keys. They've all intertwined themselves within my comforter. Yeah, so what if I sleep with a comforter in mid-summer? I can see my hair dryer on the floor and my dog's bed from the corner of my eye. I miss my old dog. Peebo would always know what to do. She would comfort me and let me be myself. Brownie just kinda sits there and if not that, she's always hyper and wanting to play. I guess cus she's still a puppy, right?
I am feeling quite nostalgic. I'm not sure if I'm enjoying it. I refuse to listen to songs from 2006-7 lol. Ahhh! I'm so... gross. My selfishness is so disgusting. Gotta let that one go already, Mon. This is not healthy. Or maybe it is? Is it healthy to be this way? Even for a little while? Maybe it would be a bad thing when it gets to a whole week and still being all emotional. Gotta drown myself in the gym once again. Tomorrow, I'm going to the gym. Maybe I'll go around 8. No, I WILL GO AT 8.
I played the piano again today. Usually I ignore that dust collector, but today was different. I had a lot of things I wanted to play on the piano. I started with a version of "Titanium" by David Guetta and Sia. Then to Adele's "Someone Like You" lol. I continued with Bach. I ended with Sonatina in G Major courtesy of Mr. Ludwig van Beethoven. Attempted Mozart's Sonata 16, but it was obvious then that I needed to practice. I recall playing that when I was in music school, but I was 13 at the time.
When Peebo left, I played the piano every night all night for 2 months. I stopped playing when Brownie was given to me. Hmm, was it that or was it cus my neighbor and I started hanging out at the pool in the middle of the night?
I know that I'm allergic to flowers, but I wish someone would give me some. It's the little stuff that I like, not so much as huge grand gestures, but simple ones that make such a big statement. I love those. I love when I get serenaded, or taken out on a date where the guy feeds you. I like getting kissed at the back of my neck. With that said, Family Guy here I come!
-m
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